Dear Economists, I’d Like To Know How This Thing Got To Control All of Mankind’s Arbitrary Wealth


2015. Acrylic on paper, 15 x 21″

The greatest poindexters of money science cannot explain this phenomenon. Everyone is confused. Even the President of the Kansas City Fed won’t say what the heck is going on. She knows Janet Yellen has a string of lunch dates scheduled each business day far into the new year, and in closed Fed circles, is known to screw up the 20% tip nearly every time.

How has history led us to a cabal of black magic money manipulators? Especially in this age, when even small children know that our coinage is pretend. A couple nights ago I traded a painting for an electronic gizmo that can turn a banana into a keyboard space bar. I never once thought of the little, old magic lady in the painting allowing for me the opportunity to engage in trade. Where was she a 104 years ago? Geeze, Edison invented electric light, got rich, and touted American ingenuity without Fed Chair approval. America had factories, automobiles, airplanes, butternut squash, and children that still played with neighbor children on the street. Even lasagna was ready to become popular nationwide. Where the hell were these old bozos then bossing the earth around with interest rates and secret billion dollar loans? The text in the painting comes out of her high school yearbook. It appears she didn’t even like money. Psychology club, the editor of the school newspaper… What was the “Great White Father”? Scary stuff. Though certainly not money love.

The one glimpse of her future I ascertain from the yearbook accolades comes from her membership in psychology club. I have been studying social psychology of late, and read about a study performed on Nazi doctors who got to pick out those who would die for Hitler’s Final Solution. The author of the study found three types of doctor personalities which identified their acumen in a system that already institutionalized evil. There was the sadistic doctor who liked it a lot, a doctor who went “by the book”, following orders without a visible care, and finally the doctor who didn’t appreciate the process at all, but reluctantly agreed to appoint children to the gas stations because society told him that this was the thing to do to keep society in tact.

It is not difficult for a clown-around American like myself to understand how any single human being, once the editor of a school newspaper and member in the Minuteman club, rises to a station of life where all of earth’s trade more or less is directed by her liver-spotted hand. Not difficult at all, given its probable psychological reasons. We, that is, all homo sapiens of earth, are the Nazi doctors’ nurses, orderlies, and candy stripers performing an institutionalized evil with polished éclat. We don’t just look at the thing and declare, “This is wrong! This cannot be!”. No. We help carry out the financial evil by forces we like to think are under our control, but never ever are.

I just went to Ms. Yellen’s credential sheet on the Federal Reserve website telling us all is right with the world, so shut up, and go back to work, Mr. and Ms. Current Employment Statistic! Anyway, she has quite an impressive climb through the best institutions money can buy. Brown, Yale, Berkley… The Nazi doctors went to college too. They became doctors. And all of Germany helped them with the mass murder of their neighbors and friends.

Are there no economists out there to explain this phenomenon? So many colleges! So many economists! I believe the problem is one of status, and a majority wanting to look in a mirror and see Paul Krugman. Of course this is a very slow pathway to lessening  inequality. Those doctors in Nazi Germany got paychecks too, and all was fine and good until it wasn’t.

So once again, a challenge to economists everywhere. How does Janet Yellen and the Federal Reserve provide work for my wife, an education for my daughters, and a poorly kept basement studio for yours truly? Show the painter his monumental ignorance if it will make me nearly as money smart as the least knowledgeable among you. I for one am thoroughly exhausted watching lessor men and women like Greenspan, Bernanke and Yellen achieve monumental money control because of Nazi doctors like yourselves.

Perhaps a Nuremburg awaits these kings and queens of finance, their multitude of sycophants, court jesters and ignorant congresses.

Probably not, as long as their smoke and mirrors keep our puppy bowls full of what is supposed to be yummy.