I Am Not Qualified to Represent an Anthill and the Funniest Alternative Ending to “It’s a Wonderful Life”


I Guess I’ll Retire Here We Nurtured Two Exceptional Human Beings 2017. Acrylic on ten year old cotton bed sheet, 4 x 4.5′

I’m really just a quiet man. Shy, unobtrusive. I am the worst idea of a candidate for Congress. 90% of the House of Representatives must be sociopath. My congress person doesn’t return my critical tweets (anti-social), and displays an incredible lack of conscience (“yes” on bill allowing Arkansas yahoos to carry concealed in an upstate New York Price Chopper). Something is very wrong with anyone who can lie straight-faced about credentials that qualify leadership on a federal level. 650,000 constituents is just too many people under one roof. Still, our congressional leader refuses to visit his own office in Oswego on Wednesday afternoons, where nice people carrying signs wait to talk with him about his voting record. He must fear them because some might have a different opinion about potable water and elder health care. Or, he is an impudent snob. Or, he is a sociopath.

So although I too am wary of people who don’t share my political philosophy (AKA: everyone), I would never abandon a sincere query to outline my opinion, especially if that was my job, and I was getting paid 14 times the federal poverty level to responsibly advocate for my constituents.

I have mentioned before in writing how I wish to engage with the public (from the homepage where I lay out my issues plain as day):

7. I will not have any contact with lobbyists. Only individual constituents representing themselves or local non-profits.

6. While Congressperson, I will make no appearances in public outside of my office, the steps of U.S. Congress, or on my way to the mailbox.

This means I will talk to any constituent who wants to know what I know about the circus in Washington and my involvement in it. There will be no “undisclosed locations,” no “national security hush-hush”. If the local media wants to stop by our office in Oswego on a December afternoon, then I will be there freely explaining why I did this or did not do that. I’ll even spend an hour every morning answering Tweets, e-mails, and letters in the exact order they arrive. Makes no difference if Johnny republican or Suzy democrat petition my conscience for a detailed explanation. Geeze, if they can break away from their every day to care about their families’ place in the world, then I owe them my best effort at the very least. Local reporters can ask me about anything under the sun—anything at all. From why the Pentagon is trying to get us to believe in UFO’s, to what color underwear I have on that day. But just the local media, no national news ever.

Anyway, Happy Solstice to my future pagan constituents. Thank heavens tomorrow will be longer! Even though no one has asked, I was baptized Presbyterian, but I lean these days more toward a Golden Rule theology. Short and sweet, and a fictional George Bailey is my role model. Republicrats and Demicrans of the 24th District, please watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” again and again during the holiday season. Good for politics. Its anti-sociopath medicine. It’s talking to your neighbors when they disagree with your veritable worship of Mr. Potter, and his abhorrent disdain of good intentions.

Oops, let’s be careful congress. Uncle Billy knows who stole the money!

(I apologize for the host site’s lack of design taste in the following video. NBC is encumbered with too many ads to achieve a decent load time.)